I want to blog...I really do. I want to fill you in on all this is going on in my mind, home, life. I want to talk about the Circus and upping our license to 4 children. I want to tell you that I am doing fine with Maya leaving.
But I can't.
Because I am not. I am not ok. I am heartbroken. Which is silly seeing that I KNEW this was the plan from day one. But if you could see her...if you could hold her...if you could be in her presence for only a moment, you may understand my pain.
And then to throw in the fact that cutie pie's case plan is moving to a more permanent situation...but it may not be with us. The only family she has ever known. And I may need to give her up.
Last night I cried in front of Miss Diva. I just could not hold it in anymore. I don't know, honestly, how much more of this I can take. But, I know that it is part of the deal.
It is in these moments that I realize that I am not "really" a mom. Not a forever mom. And I think that hurts the most.
So what do I do?? Suck it up and keep going! Because I am not doing any of this for me.....
Jemmers :)
10 comments:
Oh honey. It is hard. It's okay to cry.
Angela :-)
Hugs girl. It's so hard to let them go. Let yourself grieve and cry- it's necessary. I cried everytime a child left our house, grieving their loss allowed me to move on.
wow - that is the biggest reason that I admire people like you. I'm not sure my heart could take what you're going through. I think I would be a mess in a corner crying and letting the world pass me by....
Oooooooooh I'm so sorry. That is the part about becoming a foster mom that really makes me nervous. I can only imagine how hard it must be! Just know that for the time she was with you, she was WAY better off! And the Lord can use one instant to change someone's life. I'm sure you had a huge positive influence on her.
Hang in there.
And I'm so sorry about your sister. I'm praying for you guys!
God bless :)
I am so sorry! thank you for sharing and the insite.
keep going! You can do it!
This was cut off from my last comment sorry!
By the way, I just wanted to send you some hugs and prayers. I know how much you love that little one and how hard it's going to be if you have to say good-bye. I'm also so saddened to hear sbout your brother/SIL's loss. My heart and prayers go out to them as well.
you wouldn't be human if you didn't cry.
and you really will be a mom if you want to. Have you read the stats of adoption thru foster to adopt? In our state (GA) 86% of adoptions out of foster care is done by the foster parent! Read my blog, we got a perfect baby boy without even breaking too much of a sweat! :))
Jemmers you are the strongest woman! You are so amazing, BECAUSE you're not doing any of this for yourself. Your heart is beautiful and NEVER say that you're not a "real" mom... just not a bio-mom. Because you're showing these kiddos that there is a different way to live than the way they've been shown before.
**hugs** God bless you, dear friend.
To some of these kiddos, you are the only mom they ever will really have and I bet they will always think of you as their real mom. You will forever be engrained in their hearts as the mom who cried for them, prayed over them, loved them, held them, and let them go. You may not get to hold on to all of them as long as a "real" mom does, but you are one of the realest moms out there. Each child placed in your home is a part of God's plan, not just for your life, but for theirs. He knows you will take the opportunity to minister His love to them, and that role right there is the most important role a mother has anyway!
I know you need to grieve this loss, but I pray you also rejoice in knowing that God trusted you with this little girl and will continue to fulfill His plan in her life through the seeds you planted. I'm praying for you, and I admire you for all you do and sacrifice.
I don't know how you do it and I admire you so much, bio-child or not you are a TRUE mom with TRUE mom attachments they are your children!! I am crying with you!!
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