I Wish I Could Tell You!

I would love to be able to tell you in an intelligent way what I have seen in my short time as a foster mother. I would love to share with you the way each child has their own stamp on your heart. How just the mention of a name can spark something inside you that another could not. I would love to be able to explain the extreme pain and anguish you go through when one leaves...because you had to let them go. Or how your mind races coming up with ways and ideas to stay in the game.

I would love to share how difficult it is to remain calm when hearing about the levels of abuse a child has suffered through. Or when they tell you about feelings deep inside of them that they cannot silence. Trying not to cry when they share about a death of their biological parent. Or how they sat and watched as men filtered in through the living room...knowing exactly what was going on. When they give details of when they were homeless, living in a car for months.

I wish I could explain the level of growth one goes through daily just to be right for these children. To be what they need. To learn how to deal with a crisis situation that could happen at least twice a day. How tough your skin must be to handle the words and insults you take in. To not hold it against them. How exhausting it can be to deal with a child that is so angry and hurt and broken inside...that all they can do is try their hardest to hurt you.

But I don't think I can. But I sure do wish I could. I just would not do any of it justice.

Jemmers