Last night I broke down to my hubby about all of the guilt I have been feeling lately about having these girls. I feel as if I am keeping them from their families. It is hard to explain.
But the other day, as I sat holding princess girl while waiting for Maya to finish up her visit with her mom, it started. Princess said momma. A word she has never said before. Now, I don't know if she was calling me momma or just saying a word. But I felt guilty about it. I am not her mom......but in a way, I am. It is so complicated!
For the past 2 and a half weeks, Maya's family has been coming down on me hard. As if to remind me that I am NOT her mom. And it sucks! Sorry...but it does. I totally understand how certain things can make her bio mom feel jealous or sad...like she is missing out....and I feel guilty for it!
Princess will be remaining with us for a while longer. The county has received TCC (temporary custody of the child). Which is partly based on some things that the Father had said to me and my husband about the situation at hand. And I feel totally guilty!!
But A told me last night that our job as foster parents is to help protect these children. To give them a safe and loving home. We are their voice. And we need to do all we can to make sure that when they do leave, it is going to be better for them. And it is our duty to report things that are not right.
Most importantly, we are not the reason these children are in foster care or continue to remain in foster care. And sometimes that is hard to see! Especially as my love for these girls grow...so does the guilt!
Jemmers :)
5 comments:
Well, just look at what you are called...a "foster parent". You're not a foster friend or a foster care-giver, but a foster parent. You should not feel guilty about being a substitute mommy. While the responsibility is temporary, you are just as important to the girls as are their blood relations.
I can understand how hard all of this must be, but you are not only doing what you need to do in order to help these children. You are also answering God's calling. He wouldn't have asked you to do this if you weren't strong enough to do it! May God continue to bless you and give you wisdom and strenth!
What your husband said is exactly true and what you need to hold onto. You both give these children security, love, emotional and spiritual nourishment.
A great way to view it is that you are their Other Mother. Not a replacement.
Maya's family must feel guilt. I mean, why didn't one of them get custody? The fact is, their tiny little relative is being cared for outside of the family and throwing jabs your way is more a defensive mechanism than dislike for your parenting skills.
You know the path you're to take at this time is putting those girls first. Words are just words. You are showing them through your actions what love and parenting is.
Thank you all for your kind words!
I know all of this...truly...deep down I do. But in the middle of it, it is very difficult to hold on to.
I am sure the guilt that their families feel is much greater and deeper than my own.
But I will keep doing what it is I have been called to do...and that is to love these children, unconditionally! And pray for their families...that they may be encouraged and lifted up...not brought down!
I just LOVE all of your support!!! You guys are amazing!!!
**hugs**
Jemmers,
Guilt like this isn't from God, but your love and service to these girls IS from God.
Know that you're in my thoughts and prayers, and that you and your hubby are a good, stable, and loving environment for these two sweethearts.
I know it's hard for me to understand something I haven't ever done before, but I hope you won't keep letting the bio families make you feel sad or bad.
You're right when you say you are the voice of these two girls.
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