Finding my way back to me....

Eight months ago, yesterday, we accepted a sibling group placement of a 2 1/2 year old girl and her 13 months old brother. It was and is a very sad situation. And I knew it would be challenging....but oh-boy! So the final count would make it 3 children under the age of 3! That is just insane...and I could not understand why people kept saying that to me....that I was insane! Well, duh...I am and have always been a bit on the insane side! I am a foster mom for goodness sake! :) But I quickly learned that what I had signed up for was going to change me in ways I was not prepared for.

My son has a medical condition and requires a lot of medical attention. He is actually doing very well...now! After lots of sleepless nights and thousands of tearful prayers. Not to mention, I had just adopted our little girl who was just 18 months old at the time. So I was dealing with a lot of emotional stuff with that. I was soon potty training 2 young girls at the same time! Day outings were nearly impossible and getting a schedule down that everyone could live with was not easy. And lets not forget the terrible 18 months...two's and three's!

I had just lost who I was. I felt like I had no life and no purpose. Even though what I was attempting to do for these children was the great commission from God. I was simply just a caregiver. I had never been that stressed...and I have always thrived on stress! I was loosing weight, again. I became depressed and terribly frustrated. I was tired.

I always lived in a way where my children came first. To the decree of everything I wanted to do revolved around them and only them. It doesn't sound bad...but I failed to see that in order to be the mom they need....I need to live a bit for me. Selfish....right??? I thought so. But I could no longer live feeling like a failure.

Now please hear me...I LOVE my children! Love them!!!! They are the most important thing in my life. I just failed to see that I was also a very important part of this family.

So I began searching...was it PMDD or PTSD or depression or just a figment of my own imagination. To be honest....it was the oppressor hard at work. You know when you are trying to do what is right and good there is always something trying to tear you apart and break you down? That is the Devil himself. He was attacking me hard! So hard in fact, I had contemplated quiting fostering altogether!!! Crazy, right???

That is when my hubby told me to get out....well...out of the house for an evening and not go to Wal-mart! :) So, that is what I began to do. I went out with my BFF on occasion and started to scrapbook again. I even went as far as to getting a part time job! One that I am so thankful for! It really helped give me that break that I needed....that we all need!

So...here I am...on my way back....to me!
Jemmers :)