You know the saying...
"What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger"
Not really my favorite saying at the moment...seeing as this is right where I am. But it seems proven true. Seeing as I am still alive and I guess I am a bit on the stronger side.
I know one thing...I am EXHAUSTED!!! Totally. And I don't see much of a break in sight. Not that I deserve a break...just trying to keep my head above water. And each time I feel a calm, there is another storm on the horizon. And I haven't even begun clean-up from the last storm.
I am emotionally drained...which could be the cause of my physical exhaustion. I have soooo much going on in my head and in my life. Some of the stuff is great...like the possible adoption of cutie pie. But it is still a lot to take in! I don't even want to think about it at times...because I don't think I could handle the pain if it did not happen. I love her so much...and we are all she knows. But how great it would be if she could be "ours".
And then there is Miss Diva. She is tough!!! We have completely disconnected and I think she is setting up for a disruption...which is hard. All of the progress she made is seemingly gone. It is a daily...sometimes hourly...struggle. And I am just about tapped out. I spent the entire Sunday morning service at church in tears. I have no clue what to do. But something needs to be done. It is even affecting potential placements into our home. And I don't think that is very fair. I don't know!
And to top it all off...I have been on a campaign to de-clutter my life. So, I have been cleaning out closets, drawers, boxes of stuff...so I can attempt a garage sale. I have never had a garage sale before..and I am tempted to set everything on the corner and mark "Take me before my owner goes completely batty! Please!!".
Right now I am just going to rock out to my MP3 player! And pretend that I am still 10 years old..and my mommy will make it all better!
Peace out!
Jemmers :)
4 comments:
OH my gosh! You so do deserve a break! Have hubby take over for an hour or more so that you can take a nice walk in the park, treat yourself to a latte, or get a pedicure--or all three! Early on when Mariah came to live with us I felt sooo tapped out. Her behaviors were atrocious and getting worse. I felt there was no end in site. Luckily God answered our prayers and we began seeing little improvements each week, then each day. I can sympathize with the pain and emotional drain you're experiencing right now. I'm glad you have this blog as an outlet. But try to seek out some time with God, with a fun/funny girlfriend, just you and your hubby. You need to recharge girl or Diva and the rest of the stuff going on is going to burn you out completely and that's not fair to you, your family, or any potential kids in need of your love and support.
I will pray for you extra hard today! Keep us posted. I love reading your updates.
www.writerbyday.typepad.com/autumn_olivia
OK I JUST NOW posted something similar on my blog! You are definitely not alone. And I've heard other people talking about this same subject. All we can do is hang on for the ride!!
I'm praying for you.
You are doing AWESOME!!!
The de-clutter thing...I'm so glad I'm not alone in that constant venture...it's a common foster parent thread, I think....
Your so not alone, hang in there!
I am so with you on the decluttering thing!!!!!!
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